Wednesday One-Liners, Plus Puerto Rico
May. 14th, 2008 | 02:00 pm
posted by: ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/syndicated.gif)
overheardnyc
Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said "Come on, Mr California!" and I was like: "Mr California? Come on! I've been here for like four months!"
--G Train
Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame
Jersey girl: I don't do Arkansas.
--Tram to Roosevelt Island
Eight-year-old to uncle: Please don't move to Connecticut... It's too hard to spell!
--38th & 2nd Ave
Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton-John's fine and all, but she's like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.
--Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.
Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you're on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai's.
--43rd St between Madison & 5th
Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I'm sick of dem Hispanics, man! I'm sick of 'em! I love California.
--New York Public Library, 42nd St branch
Overheard by: Jason
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Terri Windling's Studio Online At Last!
May. 14th, 2008 | 02:06 pm
posted by: endicottstudio
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Toilet Training
May. 15th, 2008 | 02:17 am
posted by: ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
sulizhen
Or, "How to let go of your shit".
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Pin Up Dita Von Teese
May. 14th, 2008 | 09:36 pm
posted by: ecstasy_lover in ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif)
foto_decadent
Editorial: Pin Up Dita Von Teese
Magazine: ISA (France)
Issue: February 2007
Celebrity: Dita Von Teese
Photographer: Jan-Willem Dikkers
( More )
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36 Chambers of Wednesday One-Liners
May. 14th, 2008 | 12:00 pm
posted by: overheardnyc
Homegirl on cell: You live in Staten Island, that's too close to the wilderness, near the border. I am not emotionally ready to meet you in Staten Island.
--LIRR
Suit: He's from Staten Island. That my Graceland.
--53rd & 6th
Overheard by: The Sock
Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Durian? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Staten Island bad!
--G Train
Overheard by: paco
Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
--Staten Island Ferry
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is South Ferry. From there, you can go to the wonderful Battery Park, go see the beautiful Statue of Liberty... Or go to Staten Island.
--1 Train
Overheard by: Smarlow
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May. 15th, 2008 | 01:05 am
music: lykke li//little bit
posted by: a_dna_lie
the first thing that came to my mind was:what to wear for steve aoki now?!
WTF.
dreams are so senseless.
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May. 14th, 2008 | 12:43 pm
posted by: jcdive305 in literaryquotes
Please don't take these to be my opinion, I do infact like soccer but I have the vague feeling I like it for the same reasons he says I should.
"But Soccer is the one sport that's an exception to that reality. Soccer unconciously rewards the outcastm which is why so many adults are fooled into thinking their kids love it. The truth is that most children don't love soccer, they simply hate the alternatives more. .... This is why soccer seems like such a respite from all that mortification; it's the one aerobic activity where nothingness is expected. ... A normal eleven- year- old can play and entire season without placing toe to sphere and nobody would even notice, assuming he or she does a proper job of running about and avoidingmajor collisions. Soccer feels 'fun' because it's not terrifying-- it's the ony sport wherey ou can't fuck up. An outcast can succeed simply by not failing and public failure is every outcast's deepest fear."
"To say you love soccer is to say you believe in enforced equality more than you believe in the value of competition and the capacity of the human spirit."
Vaguely interesting...
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Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
May. 14th, 2008 | 12:25 pm
posted by: fly_nimue_fly in literaryquotes
"Some nights, some places are a little brighter. It's difficult to stare at New York City on Valentine's Day, or Dublin on St. Patrick's. The old walled city of Jerusalem lights up like a candle on each of Chanukah's eight nights. Trachimday is the only time all year when the tiny village of Trachimbrod can be seen from space, when enough copulative voltage is generated to sex the Polish-Ukrainian skies electric. We're here, the glow of 1804 will say in one and a half centuries. We're here, and we're alive."
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May. 14th, 2008 | 11:04 am
posted by: the_unnamable in literaryquotes
-Samuel R. Delany, Dhalgren
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Wednesday One-Liners Don't Understand the Caucus System
May. 14th, 2008 | 10:00 am
posted by: overheardnyc
Bleach-blonde: I would totally vote for McCain if Miley Cyrus were his running mate.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Democrat
Woman: Oh, I am definitely a single-issue voter. And right now, that issue is: Which one of the candidates can get me to a bathroom soonest?
--7th Avenue, Park Slope
Overheard by: Chuckell
Drunk hobo to a group of pigeons: And they're all Democrats. Can't trust them Democrats.
--Washington Square Park
Young African American woman speaking animatedly on cell: ... Vice president? Why should I run for Vice President, I'm doing better than you, bitch! "Dream ticket!" That's why I hate white liberals. They don't know when they're fucked up. Republicans don't give a shit about you, but they know it.
--124th St, Harlem
Drunk wheelbo, shouting across the entire ferry terminal: Hillary, Hillary, she's our man! If she can't do it, no one can!
--Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Lady on cell: When you done turn Governor, you can't play dat shit...
--Associated Supermarket, Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: PdQ
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Revenge by Ellen Von Unwerth
May. 14th, 2008 | 10:35 pm
posted by: chingga in foto_decadent
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Mark Squires Photography
May. 14th, 2008 | 11:18 am
posted by: ecstasy_lover in foto_decadent
Magazine: Interview
Issue: September 2007
Celebrity: Monica Bellucci
Photographer: Mark Squires
( More )
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A Primer - Bob Hicok
May. 14th, 2008 | 08:38 am
posted by: aimlesswanderer in greatpoets
-- Bob Hicok (2008)
I remember Michigan fondly as the place I go
to be in Michigan. The right hand of America
waving from maps or the left
pressing into clay a mold to take home
from kindergarten to Mother. I lived in Michigan
forty-three years. The state bird
is a chained factory gate. The state flower
is Lake Superior, which sounds egotistical
though it is merely cold and deep as truth.
A Midwesterner can use the word “truth,”
can sincerely use the word “sincere.”
In truth the Midwest is not mid or west.
When I go back to Michigan I drive through Ohio.
There is off I-75 in Ohio a mosque, so life
goes corn corn corn mosque, I wave at Islam,
which we’re not getting along with
on account of the Towers as I pass.
Then Ohio goes corn corn corn
billboard, goodbye, Islam. You never forget
how to be from Michigan when you’re from Michigan.
It’s like riding a bike of ice and fly fishing.
The Upper Peninsula is a spare state
in case Michigan goes flat. I live now
in Virginia, which has no backup plan
but is named the same as my mother,
I live in my mother again, which is creepy
but so is what the skin under my chin is doing,
suddenly there’s a pouch like marsupials
are needed. The state joy is spring.
“Osiris, we beseech thee, rise and give us baseball”
is how we might sound were we Egyptian in April,
when February hasn’t ended. February
is thirteen months long in Michigan.
We are a people who by February
want to kill the sky for being so gray
and angry at us. “What did we do?”
is the state motto. There’s a day in May
when we’re all tumblers, gymnastics
is everywhere, and daffodils are asked
by young men to be their wives. When a man elopes
with a daffodil, you know where he’s from.
In this way I have given you a primer.
Let us all be from somewhere.
Let us tell each other everything we can.
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Wherever Wednesday One-Liners Go, There They Are
May. 14th, 2008 | 08:00 am
posted by: overheardnyc
Man on cell: I'm at the bad Duane Reade right now... Yeah, the one on 14th street...I know that's the good one, but it's in danger zone.
--Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd
Overheard by: not in danger zone
Girl on cell: I'm in like the Middle East somewhere... Where are you?
--56th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: dnuggets
Hipster on cell: No, I swear to god I am not in Montreal!
--Outside Alligator Lounge, Williamsburg
Overheard by: miles
Lady yelling into pay phone, by platform: I'm in Yonkers! I'm right by the train!
--W 242 & Broadway, Bronx
Overheard by: Krisztina
Harried guy in suit on his cell: Yeah well, I'm at the Port Authority...I hear this is where the buses leave from.
--Port Authority
Overheard by: JoBell
Screaming man on pay phone: Yo -I told yo ass to meet me on 33rd and 5th. I be standin' here and you ain't here. [Pause.] What the fuck do you mean!? I be on da corner waiting for yo ass for the past fifty minutes. I only get an hour for lunch. Now you gone and messed up my day cuz yo ass ain't show up. [Pauses, speaks more calmly.] I'm on da corner of 33rd and 5th. [Screaming again.] Don't tell me yo ain't see me! I'm standing right here!
--35th & Madison
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That's the Biggest Wednesday One-Liner I've Ever Seen on a Man
May. 14th, 2008 | 06:00 am
posted by: overheardnyc
Worker: ... Just stick it in your pocket. I mean, seven inches isn't bad.
--Grand Central Station
Overheard by: EthanK
Guy: So I tried to set my password to "Penis".
Girl: [...]
Guy: It said my password wasn't long enough.
--66th & Broadway
College kid to girlfriend: You make me feel sometimes like ten inches isn't enough.
--12th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Strand Customer
Asian girl on cell: It's six inches. [Laughs.] Wait... What's six inches?
--CUNY Queensborough
Drunk guy pissing against wall, on cell: I got my dick out at 14th street! Yeah, it's 14 inches!
--Union Square
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Wednesday One-Liners Tend to Ramble On
May. 14th, 2008 | 04:00 am
posted by: overheardnyc
Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn't in the obituaries is a good day.
--Cafe des Artistes Bar
Older woman, to friend: Then we're going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that's going to be a nightmare.
--Grand Central Station
Overheard by: EthanK
Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there's a lot of old people on this train. I bet they're all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!
--N Train
Overheard by: Hannah
Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!
--1 Train
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy...
--56th & 1st Ave
Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!
--74th near Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play... With my wireless router!
--Clark & Herny
Overheard by: Lacy
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Comic for May 14, 2008
May. 14th, 2008 | 12:00 am
posted by: dilbertdaily
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a dedication
May. 14th, 2008 | 03:31 pm
posted by: wyvernstars in literaryquotes
I wrote this story for you, but when I began it I had not realized that girls grow quicker than books. As a result you are already too old for fairy tales, and by the time it is printed and bound you will be older still. But some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. You can then take it down from some upper shelf, dust it, and tell me what you think of it. I shall probably be too deaf to hear, and too old to understand, a word you say, but I shall still be
your affectionate Godfather,
C. S. Lewis
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Wednesday One-Liners Snort When They Laugh
May. 14th, 2008 | 02:00 am
posted by: overheardnyc
Guy to self: Doctor Jean Grey has the most powerful orgasm of all the X-Men.
--Union Square Park
Overheard by: Stan
Engineering school chick, screaming: And I was like, 'Oh my god, this is the worst protractor ever!'
--Columbia University
Skanky hipster chick to another: I would totally do him... But only if I had the ninja outfit on.
--Ludlow St.
[Four NYPD cops are checking people's bags at rush hour. A man in a suit appears to be their superior.]
Man in suit: But then he realizes that Jedis don't seek revenge. [The four cops all nod gravely.]
--W 4th St Subway Station
Overheard by: KL
Fiftyish suit: Chewbacca, the original wingman...
--86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Ike
Woman on cell: I'm busy. I've got things to do. And right now what I'm doing is looking at comic books.
--Forbidden Planet
Overheard by: Josh
Chick: We were always competing to be chief geek... But he had asperger's, so he won.
--Central Park
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Atlas Shrugged // Ayn Rand
May. 14th, 2008 | 01:55 pm
music: World's End Girlfriend - 100 Years Of Choke
posted by: caveatlector15 in literaryquotes
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For the Local
May. 14th, 2008 | 12:31 am
posted by: localnarrative in literaryquotes
Ambrose Bierce
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Ancient Craters of Southern Rhea
May. 14th, 2008 | 05:08 am
posted by: apod
Saturn's ragged moon Rhea has one of the oldest surfaces known.
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Prospectus to the Recluse - William Wordsworth
May. 13th, 2008 | 09:55 pm
posted by: emilysavstheday in literaryquotes
Elysian, Fortune Fields - like those of old
Sought in the Atlantic Main - why should they be
A history only of departed things,
Or a mere fiction of what never was?
For the discerning intellect of Man,
When wedded to this goodly universe
In love and holy passion, shall find these
A simple product of the common day.
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Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
May. 14th, 2008 | 02:49 pm
posted by: blincolin in literaryquotes
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where -' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
'-so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
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Please Silence Your Phone During the Wednesday One-Liners
May. 14th, 2008 | 12:00 am
posted by: overheardnyc
Preppy girl: I really loved that movie. I thought it was titillating... And not just because there was cock and balls. I don't care about that.
--Third Avenue
Guy to self: Brokeback mountain... Starring Hillary Clinton!
--Herald Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Worst Movie Ever
Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Oscar and all, but I thought "No Country for Old Men" was pretty boring. I have to admit though the choreography was amazing.
--SoHo
Thug, peddling pile of DVDs: Ghetto Blockbuster! I am your ghetto Blockbuster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [Another group of customers walks in.] I got that action, comedy, romance and I got that pussy! I am your friendly neighborhood ghetto Blockbuster.
--24 Hour McDonalds, Water & Moore
Overheard by: BigKahuna&BigRed
Creepy hipster: You'd think you can't have sex to "Silence of the Lambs"...
--Huron St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Dude on cell: If you like murder, you're gonna love this movie!
--48 Bus
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black void stop-over
May. 14th, 2008 | 12:05 pm
posted by: ocean_friction
so we took shelter in the whore village of naxis.
the girl-harlots had long been sacrificed
their last whimpering groans of orgasms hung from the beams
their drained sex-water burned marks on the old wooded floors.
we left our signs on the cooling car
then hid in the thirsty lavatories.
the storm broke from the mirrors
and as the sheltering screaming began outside,
we sang the old sleep-songs
so the spirits of the bedwarmers could find some rest.
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excerpt from how to kill a rock star, tiffanie debartolo
May. 13th, 2008 | 08:40 pm
posted by: fictionette in literaryquotes
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John Irving (from a Salon interview)
May. 13th, 2008 | 08:23 pm
posted by: haveagrateday in literaryquotes
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VIDEO: Quake Survivors Found
May. 13th, 2008 | 12:00 am
posted by: natlgeographic
 | As the death toll from Monday's quake in China nears 12,000, survivors are being pulled from the rubble of buildings and schools. |
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Dead Sea Scroll Put on Rare Display in Israel
May. 13th, 2008 | 12:00 am
posted by: natlgeographic
 | One of the most important Dead Sea scrolls is going on display in Jerusalem this week—more than four decades after it was last seen by the public. |
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U.S. Major Importer of Illegal Asian Timber, Study Says
May. 13th, 2008 | 12:00 am
posted by: natlgeographic
 | Vietnam has become a hub for processing Asia's illegally logged timber, much of which is sold in the United States as outdoor furniture, conservationists say. |
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VIDEO: Asian Plate Caused Quake
May. 13th, 2008 | 12:00 am
posted by: natlgeographic
 | Monday's devastating earthquake in central China occurred along a fault where South Asia pushes against the Eurasian land mass, scientists say. |
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I Recommend You Go South for the Winter
May. 13th, 2008 | 10:00 pm
posted by: overheardnyc
Hobo: Yo man, it's freezing outside! Can I get a shirt?
Teenager with suitcase: No, go away.
Hobo: Come on man, you probably got like ten shirts in there.
Teenager with suitcase: Listen to me bum, you're already wearing ten shirts, you're not getting a shirt.
Bum: My name's Max.
Teenager with suitcase: I'm Peter.
--Penn Station
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About a Girl
May. 13th, 2008 | 09:55 pm
posted by: pretty_diva78 in foto_decadent
Model: Clemence Poesy
Photographer: Ellen Von Unwerth
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Obscenity: The Universal Language
May. 13th, 2008 | 08:00 pm
posted by: overheardnyc
Black lady #1: [sign language].
Black lady #2: [sign language].
Black lady #1: [sign language].
Black lady #2: Motherfucker!
--A Train
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The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
May. 13th, 2008 | 05:28 pm
posted by: callingmyname in literaryquotes
The laws that lay down who should be loved, and how.
And how much."
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bawk
May. 13th, 2008 | 04:43 pm
posted by: zarahemla in literaryquotes
The Yiddish Policemen's Union
Michael Chabon
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The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel
May. 13th, 2008 | 05:04 pm
posted by: chemicallyblu in literaryquotes
2. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. —Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)
3. A screaming comes across the sky. —Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow (1973)
( 4 - 100 )
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Because It's a Dirty Job But Somebody's Gotta Do It?
May. 13th, 2008 | 06:00 pm
posted by: overheardnyc
Guido: If Mike Rowe died and you were there... Like if he died from natural causes and just went to sleep and died... Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Hmm, I mean, I don't know, I'd have to like take a peak.
Guido: You mean you'd look at it?
Bitch: Yeah, maybe touch it.
Guido: But would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Roberto! It wouldn't be hard!
Guido: But what if he got hard and then died... Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Maybe, but like why do I need to do that when I can just... You know... Ohh nevermind.
Guido: Oohh because you'll be doing all the work anyway? You could just buy a blow up doll.
Bitch: Exactly, so why do I need to hump Mike Rowe's dead body?
--6 Train
Overheard by: wet willy
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May. 13th, 2008 | 11:42 pm
posted by: sethwhite
La noche ira sin prisa de nostalgia
Habrá de ser un tango nuestra herida
Un acordeón sangriento nuestas almas
Seremos esta noche todo el día
Vuelve a mí
Ámame sin luz
En nuestra alcoba azul
Donde no hubo sol para nosotros
Ciégame
Mata mi corazón
En nuestra alcoba azul
Mi Amor